They.

She

She wakes up in the morning, still tired, with bags under her eyes

And with the smell of cheap white wine on her breathe from the night before.

She smokes ten of her menthol cigarettes a day

She prefers how they taste

They’re slowly staining her teeth

And she’s still confused when she gets a cough

She doesn’t look like her mother

She doesn’t sound like her either

She doesn’t speak about her dad

And she doesn’t even speak to him

She was born to these now divorced people

It’s never been easy for her

A disabled brother, she’s always dealt with wheelchairs

It sits uneasy on her mind, who will care for him in the future?

Like a sentence placed upon her

She’s stressed most of the time

Always had a job, but never enjoyed one

She hurts, does she hurt herself?

And looking to men for safety

They’re morphine to her

But like morphine too much will kill her

And she’s dying.

She falls back into old habits

It’s the only way she knows

Back with an ex that she was never happy with

Their talk is boring, it’s stale.

But they don’t talk about it

It’s familiar so it ‘works’

Or am I just jealous

She walks life along this rubble path

Its tough and its bumpy

And its lines with fence

Electrified and barbed.

She has no choice and cant climb the barriers.

She knows a lot, think a lot too

She’s clever and she’s pretty

She covers any blemishes with make up

And covers any weaknesses with fronts, its fake.

Up until now she’s been trying

And I hope she keeps going

I was a temporary fix

But it wasn’t right, I know that.

So now I just pray that she wins this fight.

..

He

He would tell me about his childhood

And then he'd try and tell me about mine

But he could never understand

He grew up in a middle class world

You could tell from how he spoke

He was raised by loving parents

They were always there for him

It was calm and it was stable

He loved them, maybe he could have loved me

And never held grudges even when i wanted him to

He could never know what iv been through

I hope he forgives me.

He'd kiss me when I was sad

Just so it meant he did something

There wasn't much for him to say

And i didn't expect him to say much.

We both hated small talk so our conversations were short

He was short

With dark hair and dark eyes

And when it came to love he was dark too

Cynical and always somewhat removed

He liked being unhappy, he revelled in it

He'd rather watch films alone
And take tips from the actors on how to pretend

But i needed him in that place

It was a place where i was alone

And i needed company

And thats what he was.

His room was clean but bare

And his head was cluttered

He came across relaxed, laid back

Apparently he wouldn't stress, he'd say it was wasn't worth it
But i know he worried, it was etched on his skin.

We were wrong

He'd had heartbreaks of his own

But he never spoke about that

Nothing was said unless it needed to be

When he would drink i'd see the real him

And he drank too much

But at least i could see him then

Inside he was in turmoil

It was self consciousness

He would be eaten up by it

And so even when he would hide it

I could see him being consumed

He was living life in a suit of thorns

He had made it for himself

And so every movement was pain

And all my efforts were in vain

He'd complain about my smoking

And i'd complain about his complaining

He loved music and i loved his music

And he loved food and that helped me

I needed that help

But thats all it was, help

He doesn't know if i still need it

We never really connected and i could never make him laugh

He worried about the big things

But he did nothing about them

He thought the world was jigsaw puzzle

And he was convinced there was a piece missing

Thought it had been destroyed

So didn't even try looking

And i couldn't help him find it

In the end physical distance was placed between us

Like a meal placed on a table, ready to be finished
It acted as the nail in our coffin

We knew it was over

He needed someone else

And i hope he finds her

Because she's not me.